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Jeżeli w ostatnim czasie nie byłeś totalnie skupiony na rysowaniu komiksów, to pewnie słyszałeś o tym, jak na lotnisku Gatwick ktoś bawi się z brytyjską armią w kotka i myszkę dronami. I was just there, jakby to powiedział Sz. P. Peter Griffin. W sensie właśnie nie było mnie tam, bo mój lot z Chicago został zawrócony z powodu zamknięcia Lotniska Gatwick London na wniosek Donalda Tuska.

Leciałem tanimi liniami, które jeszcze bardziej na siłę próbują upchać ludzi niż rajanery i ogólnie takie takie. Siedziałem sobie na siedzeniu (a gdzie miałem siedzieć?), na którym nie mogłem siedzieć wyprostowany, bo zawadza ściana, ale 200 dolców zaoszczędzone. Mogę sobie za to kupić butelkę Dom Perignon albo 140 ang mo monsterków i jeszcze zostanie mi na pomidory z Trader Joe’s w Hollywood. Mimo tych ewidentnych niewygód w czasie ośmiu godzin lotu nawet udało się pospać, obudziłem się po wylądowaniu, a gość obok mnie zagaił Nie wiem czy słyszałeś ogłoszenie, ale zawrócili nas do Paryża, bo jest jakaś afera z dronami i lotniska w Londynie nie mogły nas przyjąć. Zareagowałem z uśmiechem „Yeah, right. I almost believed in that!” I serio, przez kolejne 30 minut byłem przekonany, że jesteśmy w Londynie i dopiero, jak kapitan powiedział, że to jednak Paryż, to uwierzyłem i taki zaskoczony do gościa obok powiedziałem oh, so you weren’t joking. He he, komizm sytuacyjny, sympatycznie było.

Najpierw nie wiedząc, co z nami zrobić, przetrzymali nas 3 godziny w samolocie, potem 3 godziny na terminalu. Pośród sfrustrowanych i mocno głodnych i zdenerwowanych (hangry) ludzi skillsetowy superpower bycia buddą pozwalał mi jednak pozostać w tzw. happy place. Po 6h ogłosili, że podstawią busa do lotniska Gatwick, ale w związku z tym, że wcześniej poszedł sms, że jak ktoś jest w stanie sobie załatwić transport, to oni zwrócą koszta, to wraz z zapoznanymi Francuzem z Ameryki i Słowakiem z Anglii pojechaliśmy se na Eurostara. Na bilet w jedną stronę z Paryża do Londynu wydałem milion ariarów i po niespełna 3h wylądowaliśmy w Londynie. Po 26h niemalże przymusowego postu zjadłem subwaya z podwójnym kurczokiem, półtora litra pepsi max, doszedłem z St Pancras International do London Euston i wsiadłem w pociąg, obejrzałem stand up Ellen Degenerate (props) i wylądowałem na ziemii obiecanej, na stację kolejową w Stoke-on-Trent, skąd odebrał mnie Shaquille O’Neal we własnej osobie.

I pomimo tego, że nie miał pożyczyć żelu do włosów, to poczułem się przywitany mega swojsko. Zresztą powrót do Stoke zawsze wiąże się z zajebistym samopoczuciem. Przeżyłem tu ponad 3 piękne lata życia młodego Jawora, więc nie może już dziwić, że jak wyszedłem dziś z rana w szaroburą wietrzno-deszczową pogodę na spacerniak, to z Dianą Gordon (średnia 1050 kroków na 10 minut) i Rogalem DDL (średnia 1240 kroków na 10 minut) w słuchawkach czułem się jak król świata. Zresztą to nie tylko tu w ogromny sposób doceniam, jak bardzo uniwersalne (w niewielkiej mierzy zależne od lokalizacji) jest dostarczanie sobie hormonów szczęścia z takich źródeł jak poranny lub wieczorny spacerniak z muzyką lub podcastem na słuchawkach. Hormonów szczęścia w takich ilościach, jakich trzy lata temu już w swoim życiu nie przewidywałem. A tu taki zonk. W sensie że dobrze, rozumisz, nie rozumisz.

Spotkałem się po pięciu (albo i lepiej, panie rezyseze) latach z Hosepipem, bardzo dobry czat o życiu (i nie tylko) przy bardzo dobrej kawce w Festival Parku, przeszedłem się po starych rewirach okołobiurowych, gdzie w 2008 roku około 90% mojej diety stanowiły kanapki z subwaya (2 dziennie i 2 ciastka, do tego herbata z czterema cukrami kilka razy dziennie, no milk please), a następnie po kolejnej kawce w Sainsbury’s Cafe, zrobiłem zakupy (tzw. groceries) z Państwem O’Neal. I znowu, kiedy parę lat temu myślałem, że poza zakładami nie ma w życiu radości, takiej prawdziwej full typu euforia, jak śpiewała Kasia Grzesiek (?serotonina?) gdyby ktoś wtedy powiedział mi, że po przyjęciu nowego superpowera typu bycie buddą znowu będzie taka faza, popukałbym się w czoło i powiedział, że tego nie da się zrobić. Jeżeli czegoś nie da się zrobić, potrzebny jest ktoś, kto o tym nie wie – przyjdzie i to zrobi. A dziś na zakupach polując na niskokaloryczne produkty a zarazem satysfakcjonujące mój układ nagrody czuję się jakbym analizował ofertę i polował na valuebety, a kiedy później sobie je gotuję i spożywam w doborowym towarzystwie, to jestem tak wniebowzięty, jakbym trafił 9/10. Albo i lepiej, panie rezyseze.

To, co dla niewytrawnego oka jest symbolem szaroburości, chujowej pogody i ogólnie takich takich, dla mnie jest symbolem cudownych wspomnień mojej mentalnej (z angielskiego mental) młodości pełnej zbyt intensywnych bodźców, dzięki którym mogę doceniać twórczość Rogala DDL a nie jestem skazany na Palucha, Bedoesa czy Taconafide i mogę jarać się Dianą Gordon a nie być skazany na Wynter Gordon. Innymi słowy to fantastyczne uczucie być z powrotem w Stoke, ale jeszcze bardziej fantastyczne uczucie to świadomość, że i nie tylko, tomaszowym głosem, że fantastycznie jest w tych czasach w zasadzie wszędzie: od czasów, kiedy czuję się wniebowzięty, przez wykonanie rozkazu zrobienia 10 pompek (a ty byś nie zrobił jakby sam biały Shaq ci kazał?!) aż po czasy, kiedy z równowagą przyjmuję osiemnastogodzinne opóźnienie „bezpośredniego” lotu z Chicago do Londynu. I nie tylko, bo kolejny rok z rzędu kończy się jeszcze bardziej optymistycznym nastawieniem ekscytacji do tego, co przyniesie nowy rok, bez spinania się na jakieś bzdurne pozytywne myślenie czy jakieś inne gupoty kurwach innych kurwa leszczy, ale to już innym razem tu opowiem, innym razem, ta.

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