D82: NA SINGAPURSKICH BLOKOWISKACH DLA ULICY TO WSZYSTKO

W odcinku pt. Mój wiersz o samotności powiedziałem o ochocie dawania komuś tego, czego sam akuratnie nie mogę mieć. Monia spropsowała i dziękuję, bo dzięki temu lepiej sobie zapamiętałem to interesujące zjawisko. I serio, często w takich momentach po pierwsze primo miewam łzy współczucia wynikające z utożsamiania i zrozumienia, a po drugie primo łzy wyzwolenia, jak się uda komuś pomóc i być częścią tych emocji, a po trzecie primo, ultimo, teraz pewnie powiesz budda chuj nie facet.

I tak samo dziś mocno czuję, jak się życie tępo ze mnie śmieje i nawet w ryj dać nie mogę dać, bo komu/czemu niby? Ale zerkam w grafik i widzę, że mogę chociaż służyć jednej lub nawet i dwum osobom tak, jak ja bym chciał kogoś, kto służyłby mi, a na horyzoncie takiego wsparcia brak. I sobie myślę, że nawet jeśli dawać chcę więcej niż oni chcą kupić, to żeby chociaż to, co chcą kupić, sprzedać jak najlepiej, dając z siebie wszystko. Pomagając komuś i tak robię to dla siebie. Jebać egoizm, ale jeszcze bardziej jebać hipokryzję.

Nie ma emocji bo nie ma starbucków (jak śpiewał raper Lavoholics). Cokolwiek, w co uwierzę, że warte jest mojej uważnej atencji, jest godne rozważenia. Stąd też nim wbiję się na audiocalla jak się zaczną budzić te europejskie grubasy, to jadę na kawkę na siłkę dokończyć oglądać kurs o nawykach, a potem może nawet zrobię martwy ciąg z uśmiechem. Ewentualnie bez uśmiechu. W sensie trochę czuję w nogach przedwczorajsze siady i planowałem dziś DNT, ale na tyle dużo zacząłem myśleć (tudzież nie mieć alternatyw na spędzenie dnia), że uznałem, że pojadę i zdecyduję czy robić trening czy nie dopiero jak się naćpię kopi-o-ko-songami. Czyli pewnie zrobię i chuj taka faza.

I o ile odczuwalny bezsens to chwilowo takie mocne 6/10, i o ile w bezsensie sens jest jedynym awansem, to jak nie ma szans na awans, to lepiej się utrzymać w lidze niż z niej spaść, bo zmiana stanu umysłu to kwestia czasu, bo wszystko, co przychodzi – odchodzi, więc jak już wjedzie trochę sensu w sensie awansu, to lepiej awansować wyżej niż wrócić do tej samej ligi, z której się spadło jedynie przez brak uważności. Bez wyjątku, jeśli wiesz, co się liczy, wszystko będzie w porządku.

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