D79: TO MY BUDDYŚCI

Byłem wczoraj w Fullertonie na kolacji za milion ariarów, a gdzieś ktoś umiera z głodu i to jest przykre mówisz, potem przez Boat Quay do Clark Quay i było bardzo fajnie. Oczywiście mam dosyć głęboko zakodowane w tym chorym łbie, żeby nie cieszyć się fajnymi momentami, tylko spinać się jak w dissach nasze gwiazdy, żeby zasejwować sobie te momenty (na zawsze razem!) albo chociaż zrobić z nich coś na prawie zawsze, long term. Bo po co ścielić łóżko, skoro i tak wieczorem idę spać i będzie rozmemłane? Go clean your room now.

Jak pierwszy raz spróbowałem koksu (wzięli mnie z zaskoczenia) to w ciągu maksymalnie 5 minut zadzwoniłem międzykrajowo do jana nowaka nr pesel 24852493873, żeby przeanalizować koszt, jakość, dostępność lokalnego produktu, potencjalne korzyści jak również ryzyko problemów z prawem i zdrowiem (uzalerznienie, samobujstwo i ogulnie takie takie), żeby ocenić, czy się opłaca ćpać. Z analizy ewidentnie wyszło, że się nie opłaca. Dlatego też w tamten weekend jeszcze parę razy dałem się zaskoczyć i pokornie wróciłem do chlania jagera. Zanim jeszcze wiedziałem, co może zdziałać medytacja lub/i 2 kilo sernika. Zanim jeszcze Jawor zmienił ksywę na Sharpei. World is changing, music is changing, drugs are changing, even men and women are changing, ale to prawdopodobnie dzięki tamtej analizie minęło już 7 lat, a ja nadal nie jestem ćpunem. I brawa dla Gorzowa.

O wiele trudniej niż z narkotykami jest z ludźmi. Ponoć ludzie to nie zabawki. Maybe yes, maybe no. Za moich czasów nie było w szkole przyrki. Za moich czasów było środowisko. Była też chemia, fizyka, biologia, na studiach ekonomia, historia i etyka hazardu. I na żadnym z tych przedmiotów nie uczono mnie, jak postępować z ludźmi, żeby z jednej strony nie być samotny, a z drugiej żeby nie zgniatać innych swoim przytłaczającym nienasyceniem. Wincyj wincyj.

Ustalenie optymalnego dystansu, czyli znalezienie equilibrium między brakiem interakcji a przygniataniem innych dziewięćdziesięcioma kilogramami żywego hip-hopu to kluczowa sprawa w dziedzinie życia pt. więzi międzyludzkie. Odpowiedź zależy od czynnika ludzkiego, czyli daje inny wynik dla każdego człowieka. Ale tak jak stworzyłem zajebisty model „czy należy ćpać kokainę?”, tak samo czuję, że model dotyczący samotności i więzi międzyludzkich jest coraz lepszy i daje coraz lepsze samopoczucie. Nawet jeśli optymalny dystans z ogromną większością ludzi jest jak z Czekanowa do Singapuru, nawet jeśli możemy sobie dawać jedynie te metaforyczne 3%, to te metaforyczne 3% szanuję jak sam skurwysyn. I brawa dla Świdnicy.

Mam 31, witam, mi mówili maratończyk, kilku chciało mi dotrzymać kroku, zara poszli, a ja se biegłem dalej w otwartości aż ktoś mnie poczęstuje gryczaną niepaloną i pytaniem po chuj biegasz jak debil? Bieganie nie leczy depresji. Zrób se lepiej martwy ciąg z uśmiechem. Ty jebana polska kurwo. W sensie jeśli moja postawa budzi czyjś dyskomfort, to automatycznie powoduje to mój dyskomfort. I o ile jak rasowy budda udaje się z takich dyskomfortów robić coraz większy komfort, to niezaprzeczalnie jeszcze większy komfort będę miał jeśli zmienię współrzędne. Bynajmniej nie potrzebuję wczutego taty, jak chce biegać, niech biega. Póki co mamy takie samo prawo do wdychania powietrza na tej planecie.

Jesteśmy popierdoleni, świat wychował nas źle. Świadomość to jedyne, co tak naprawdę jest. I w tym miejscu nie ma miejsca na presję, depresję i agresję. Porównywanie się z innymi, zazdrość, wyrzuty sumienia (czego?), złość i ogólnie takie takie wydają się być tak miałkie i śmieszne, że hehehe. Chujowo, że to skuma 10% jak już, pod postem dadzą łapki w górę, wstyd przyznać. Pierdolę wasze lajki, wasz hajs, wasze matki. Chcę waszych serduszek i ewentualnie subów.

Jak jest fajnie, to za chwilę pojawia się pragnienie, żeby było fajniej. I tak po wczorajszym fajnym wieczorze dzisiaj o świcie (wstałem o 15) fajnie sobie kontempluję nad pragnieniem, żeby było fajniej. Po to, żeby było naprawdę fajnie. Ciekawe, ile zjem dzisiaj kalorii. Jak wyglądają testy do Koła Fortuny? Ten teleturniej już chyba nie istnieje. Po co ja się w ogóle nad tym zastanawiam. Marnuję tu swój czas. Albo może jebać DNT i pojechać zrobić dziś przysiady? Musisz iść i walczyć! To nieważne, że raz czy drugi ci nie wyszło. Hm, może znowu burgerkinga ojebać? Nie chce mi się gotować. Sam tutaj ze wszystkim jestem, nikt nie pomoże. Się nie spinam i se obserwuję z dala.

Dla nas to coś więcej niż bycie narratorem jak Wojtek Sokół. Dla nas to przede wszystkim bycie obserwatorem bycia narratorem. Dla nas to coś więcej niż dupy i hajs, żyję tym codziennie i musi być tak. Tak trzeba żyć.

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