DAY 44: BACK TO SOLITUDE

My crew from the last week flew away to Greece, Slovakia and Malaysia. I’m back on my own here. Last week felt good in a certain sense but even in a deeper sense it feels good to be in solitude again.

I woke up at 8am, got up at 1pm and walked over to my local hawker centre. It’s Labour Day but luckily my kopi stall is open so I am enjoying my kopi o ko song.

I feel a reasonable amount of fatigue, very slight signs of fever and sunburn. I also feel heavy but I do not feel disappointed. Expectations are stable on a very rational level. I’m just going to relax here, contemplate, eat lightly and then play football tonight.

There’s been a lot of interesting discussions and thinking recently. Obviously, the main question is „how to live my life?” In Indonesia, I and my two friends had an intriguing chat on where we see ourselves in 10 years. We’ll all be old as fuck, that’s for sure. Other than that there are a lot of variables and uncertainties but it’s good to question my direction, to see where I might be plausibly heading.

And while I am not sure if I will be living in Singapore or Vancouver when I’m 41, whether I will be vlogging, betting or applying postmarks to postage stamps in the post office, whether I will be single or married and raising kids, whether I will have best abs ever or not, what seems very unlikely is giving up on inner work. In all cases, self-awareness is a priority and it is hard to imagine how it could be changed. Whether it’s 15 minutes daily if I’m busy as hell with my life circumstances or 15 hours daily when I’m busy with my solitude, self-development must be present. Otherwise, I need to question my life circumstances.

With my current approach I am excited about future while still staying present. There is no conflict. Pozdro nara.

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