ILE MEDYTUJĘ I DLACZEGO TAK MAŁO?

Dzisiaj nad ranem dostałem maila od Sama Harrisa, że w podziękowaniu za wspieranie podcastu, dostaję dożywotni dostęp do jego świeżej aplikacji medytacyjnej. Idziemy z duchem czasów, świetnie, dzięki Sam, doceniam, jestem on board. Posłuchałem sobie introdukcji oraz lekcji „The Logic of Practice”, jak również dałem się poprowadzić w pierwszej prowadzonej medytacji (guided meditation). Następnie wykonałem rachunek sumienia (czego?), a mianowicie dlaczego nie tylko od dłuższego czasu nie przeprowadzam formalnej medytacji, ale przede wszystkim nie czuję, że powinienem, nie czuję wyrzutów sumienia (czego?) z tego tytułu. Zwłaszcza, że – tu powiem zgrany banał – argumenty za regularnym kultywowaniem zdolności zwanej mindfulness czy uważnością z mojej perspektywy w żaden sposób nie są kontrowersyjne czy nawet dyskusyjne. Życie jest lepsze, kiedy akceptacja, uważność i klarowność umysłu są na wysokim poziomie. Przekonanie jest na poziomie słuszności ateizmu, robienia przysiadów, jedzenia kaszy gryczanej czy po prostu bycia dobrym człowiekiem.

Tym niemniej każde rozpoczęcie medytacji wymaga siły woli, a zasoby tejże są mocno ograniczone i jest to jeden z moich bardziej odkrywczych wniosków typu eureka. Jeśli porównam bycie optymistą, pesymistą czy realistą, to główna różnica z mojej perspektywy jest taka, że ci dwaj pierwsi siebie oszukują. A jednym z moich fundamentalnych priorytetów jest to, by tego nie robić. Gdzieś z tyłu głowy jest jakaś wizja, że coś POWINNO być takie czy srakie, tym niemniej właśnie sztuka klarownego spoglądania na świat sprowadza się do tego, by widzieć go takim, jakim jest, a nie takim, jakim wydaje się, że powinien być. O wiele bardziej chce mi się medytować, jak mam wokół siebie innych buddyjskich świrów niż jak mam to robić sam jak Harris. Dlatego też dobrą alternatywą wydaje się być uczestniczyć w zorganizowanych medytacjach/retreatach. Jestem zapisany na 17. października na Tajwanie i sztos. Jeszcze nie wiem czy jako old man (apek) czy jako server, ale i tak sztos. Do tego na codzień zwłaszcza na spacerniakach udaje się sporo momentów przeżywać w formie pełnej uważności, obecności, a jak mawia Michael Gervais – to nie trening czyni mistrza, to mistrzowski trening czyni mistrza. Ciężko zmierzyć ilość i długość takich mini-medytacji, stąd w pewnym sensie na ten moment praktycznie nie medytuję, a czuję się z tym co najmniej klawo. Wszystko sprowadza się do dopasowania najbardziej optymalnej strategii do obecnego paradygmatu i czuję, że na ten moment ma to miejsce.

Widzę wiele miskoncepcji, że żeby być buddą, to trzeba robić to i nie robić tamtego, co z mojej skromnej perspekywy jest tzw. gówno-prawdą. Chciałbym sporo takich miskoncepcji opisać i rozłożyć na czynniki pierwsze, ale to już innym razem tu opowiem, innym razem, ta, póki co zrobiłem rachunek sumienia (czego?), więc z czystym sumieniem (czym?) zbieram się na trening, benchpress sam się nie zrobi, podobnie jak pozostałe ćwiczenia akcesoryjne. A ćwiczyć trzeba. Medytować też trzeba, ale niekoniecznie z jakąś ściśle określoną formą i częstotliwością, rozumiesz, nie rozumiesz.

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