NIGDZIE NIE ODSZEDŁEM, WIĘC TO NIE ŻADEN POWRÓT

Jeżdżenie busem na siłkę w Singapurze było doskonałym pretekstem do pisania bloga. I tak muszę siedzieć, a marnować czasu nigdy nie lubiłem. Podobnie zresztą udawało się regularnie uczyć w czasie bycia studentem. Średnio 3 razy w tygodniu po 1,5h w pociągu. Zdążyłem na spokojnie przeczytać wszystkie papiery, a w bonusie pooglądałem trochę meczów Ekstraklasy. Przez najbliższy miesiąc jeżdżąc na siłkę autem (i to krótki dystans, tak na 2 piosenki co najwyżej) wyznaczenie specjalnego czasu na to, by usiąść i napisać o życiu teksty nieprzepisane z gazety będzie nielada wyzwaniem, ale na pewno wyzwaniem, które chciałbym podjąć.

Jeżdżenie autobusem sprzyjające regularnemu pisaniu to nie jest jedyna rzecz, którą doceniam w długim pobycie w Singapurze z dzisiejszej perspektywy. Dyskutowałem sobie wczoraj o tym z koleżką mieszkającym na Słowacji. Zmierzenie się z samotnością może być bolesne. Tym bardziej bolesne, jak już nie chodzi tylko o pobyt za granicą sam w sobie, ale o niepasowanie (brzmi skromniej niż outgrowing) do ludzi ze swojego środowiska lub jak tego środowiska w dużej mierze się nawet nie posiada.

Mam skalę porównawczę z poprzednich okresów, kiedy wracam do Polski po dłuższych wojażach, z których starałem się zrobić w mniejszym lub większym stopniu retreaty. Umiejętność zretreatowania się to jeden z najlepszych wynalazków. Widzę się na podobnych dwóch imprezach w te wakacje i, dla porównania, parę lat temu. Jeszcze do niedawna przez niepasowanie do towarzystwa byłby dyskomfort, chęć opuszczenia lokalu i poprawienie sobie humoru tym czy tamtym. Dziś skala tego jest znacznie mniejsza, a często nawet retreatując się, tudzież będąc świadomością mocno w samym sobie i czując się częścią tych wszystkich mechanizmów, które coraz lepiej rozumiem, nie walcząc z niczym, tylko przeżywając błogi stan akceptacji, jestem w tzw. happy place. Kultywowanie tego to absolutny priorytet. Otaczanie się ludźmi, którzy widzą w tym priorytet również. Stąd też o ile bynajmniej nie czuję na ten moment chęci do namawiania kogokolwiek do czegokolwiek, to zależy mi na byciu dostępnym dla tych, których namawiać nie trzeba. Stąd też wracam do pisania z nieskrywanem poczuciem braku wątpliwości co do słuszności tego kroku. I poczuciem pierwszej konstruktywnej rzeczy, którą dzisiaj wykonałem. Teraz wjedzie kawka, potem martwe ciągi. Będzie fajnie. A w sumie to już jest.

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