D88: DOBRA, LEJ PAN BIAŁĄ

Cztery lata temu w pewien weekend majowy miał miejsce relatywnie najlepszy ostatnio melanż. Parę okazji się złożyło i kiedy w czwarty dzień (w sensie już noc) picia w drugim kolejnym lokalu skończył się jager i pojawiło się mroczne widmo zakończenia imprezy, jeden z bardziej ogarniętych ziomów rzekł w akompaniamencie pokornej akceptacji do barmana: dobra, lej pan białą. Biała to nie jest zła drużyna, choć w tamtym czasie wolałem Czarną. Z perspektywy czasu nie ma wątpliwości, że Żółta gra o ligę wyżej i jedyne, co budzi wątpliwości, to czy na tę ligę zasługuję, a jedyne, co budzi nadzieje, to że deserve got nothing to do with this shit, jak mawiała Felicia Pearson nim została odjebana.

I tak samo w czasach bardzo teraźniejszych widzę, jak kończy się metaforyczny jager, czyli nieco mniej metaforyczny prąd, czyli już niemetaforyczne poczucie bezpieczeństwa. Ośrodek nagrody to centrum dowodzenia światem i nie wygrasz. Nie budzi tu już nic moich wątpliwości, za to sporo nadziei budzi to, że z tym centrum dowodzenia można grać w jednej drużynie, a nie przeciwko niemu. Przez praktycznie dobę ładowałem baterię, a łeb bolał prawie jak życie ciężkie i rymy kiepskie. Nie przytulę Mamy, ani nawet Gabora Mate. Co prawda wiem już, gdzie mogę w Singapurze dostać heroinę, ale dowiedziałem się, że w jedynym więzieniu singapurskim nie ma klimatyzacji, a nie jestem takim idiotą, żeby w tym zaduchu siedzieć non stop.

Czuję, że bardzo dużo się w tym okresie uczę. Mam na myśli zarówno całe półrocze w skali makro, jak i ostatnie 48 godziny w skali mikro. Wczoraj przebudziłem się wieczorem i miałem umiarkowane withdrawal pangs, ale uznałem, że zamiast iść do 7-11 po kanapki i lody, to przemęczę się trochę. Pomimo bólu głowy dotrwałem do rana i o 11 ruszyłem na siłkę. Standardowa procedura: kopi o ko song, posłuchanie mądrych ludzi, audiocall z europejskim grubasem ze Slovenska i zaatakowałem 160 kg w martwym ciągu. 4 serie po 5 powtórzeń i niestety mocno wymuszony uśmiech na końcu. Taki na zaliczenie, bo na pewno nie wypływał on z mojej duszy.

Hahaha, przecież ja nie mam duszy ???

Dokończyłem trening. Świadomie doceniam nagrodę, jaka wynika z ciężkiego podnoszenia ciężkich ciężarów. Poczułem takie wyzwolenie, że niemal nasypałem sobie z dyspensera 100plus (26 kcal na 100g schłodzonej substancji) zamiast wody mineralnej gazowanej. No ale nie popadajmy w nonszalancję jednak. Trzeba wiedzieć, gdzie leży granica.

I jak to? To już koniec dnia? Już się nic dzisiaj nie zdarzy?

Bynajmniej! Jest czwartek, szesnasta, a pogoda i trzydziestogodzinny post sprzyjają do tego, żeby włączyć sobie Antihype i posłuchać w drodze do Fullertona, jak Sarius kłamie jak Sarius. I jeśli nie zabije mnie do tego czasu katabolizm, to o 18:30 wjeżdża bufet za ćwierć miliona ariarów i się kończy dancing, a o dalszy los tych świń pytaj siostry w mięsnym.

Coś się kończy, coś zaczyna, jak mawiał Pan Prezydent Andrzej Duda. Jak się kończy jager, to jest biała. Jak nie ma prądu na redukcję, to jest prąd na masę. Kiedy narkotyk staje się obsesją, jest miłość w Fullertonie. I nie panikuję z tego powodu, bo z własnego doświadczenia wiem, że jak w weekend zabraknie jagera, to przeważnie w poniedziałek najpóźniej jest dostawa i nie muszę trzeźwieć, by kontynuować wygrywanie życia ślicznymi metaforami, obserwacją, akceptacją i hemoglobiną.

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