No need lah

Idziemy z duchem czasów, teraz nagrywam filmiki, jestem budda człowieku, więc dawno nic nie pisałem, ale no, cośtam, objedzony full (10kkcal na 24h) pierwszy raz od dawna idę sobie dzisiaj z hotelu dla lepszych ludzi na dworzec PKP w Poznaniu i mijając jakieś centrum handlowe (takie, w jakim kilka godzin temu jadłem swój nasty deser w tej samej dobie nie umiejąc zainteresować się niczym innym dla zabicia czasu) uświadomiłem sobie – i postanowiłem to odnotować – że nie potrzebuję żadnej rzeczy, która tam jest. Wręcz przeciwnie – przez to że nie ma tak nic mi bliskiego nie powinienem tam być, gdyż uczucie niepasowania do środowiska, w którym się znajduję sprawia, że mam ochotę uciekać od rzeczywistości. Przez desery, hazard, picie, bicie ludzi, zwierząt czy obrażanie uczuć religijnych roślin – forma nie ma znaczenia. Każdy kierunek ucieczki od rzeczywistości jest odwrotnym kierunkiem od przeze mnie zamierzonego.

Podobnie jest z wychodzeniem ‚na miasto’, do klubów, gdzie jakiś pajac lub pajacka na ‚selekcji’ mówi ludziom, że nie są wystarczająco fajni, żeby wejść do budynku (pozdro Jim J); do imprez towarzysko-okolicznościowych i do wszystkich miejsc i sytuacji, w których czuję się obco i mogę odczuwać presję, że coś powinienem robić czy zachowywać się w jakiś sposób.

Cały czas musimy coś robić, rozwiązywać jakiś problem, robić zakupy (np. szukać nowej kurtki), skupienie się na byciu i nierobieniu w tym kontekście to bardzo duże wyzwanie, tym niemniej od jakiegoś czasu ten challenge jest w pełni accepted. A propos robienia – organizacja czasu tak, aby ćwiczyć uważne ‚bycie’ to wystarczająco ciężka rabota.

Wolę umrzeć z niewykorzystanym kapitałem niż wiecznie żyć z presją, że muszę go odpowiednio dystrybutować i wydawać.

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