Jon Kabat-Zinn Krul

Półtora miesiąca emeryturki, nie żałuję i nie tęsknię, po kilku tygodniach bez większych wątpliwości, że to była dobra decyzja. Ciągle w poszukiwaniu lepszych metod, wiesz, przez te półtora miesiąca nie miałem passy 5 nocy w jednym miejscu, Warszawa, Odense, Warszawa, Lublin, Odense, Tocksfors, Aurlandsvalen, Asker, Odense, Poznań, Gliwice, Phuket, Gliwice, Warszawa, Gliwice. Wczoraj zameldowałem się w Lesku, gdzie próbuję budować model retreatu, bo skoro nie ma retreatu moich życzeń, to sobie zażyczyłem, że sam se zbuduję jeden. A moje życzenie jest dla mnie rozkazem.

Dzisiaj Dzień 1 i przypominam sobie, dlaczego jedzenie 5+ małych regularnych posiłków to zły pomysł, ale też zauważam, że nie trzeba z powodu odczuwania braku sytości bo takich małych piździkach iść w drugą skrajność i jeść 1-2 ogromne posiłki i się zapchać do poczucia prawie dyskomfortu. To jest jakieś nieporozumienie, że głód i pusty brzuch jest przyczyną napadów objadania się. Wręcz przeciwnie, nie przypominam sobie jedzeniowego cugu, kiedy byłem lekko głodny. Za to pamiętam liczne takie, kiedy byłem już napchany, granica została przekroczona, więc „to i tak już nie ma znaczenia”. Wydaje się, że optimum, do jakiego należy dążyć, to jeść minimum tego, co jest potrzebne w celu dostarczenia składników i odczucia sytości w połączeniu z jak najmniejszą liczbą posiłków. Czyli przy dwóch ogromnych posiłkach jesteśmy daleko od ‚minimum konieczne do poczucia sytości’, a przy sześciu mikro-posiłkach daleko od jakiegokolwiek poczucia sytości i daleko od minimum liczby posiłków. Jutro spróbujemy cztery. Nauka to 99% wtop i 1% sukcesów. Metoda prób i błędów, moja ulubiona, hehe.
A te procenty przywołał mi dzisiaj JKZ w gadce pt. The Healing Power of Mindfulness. To jest to. Właśnie się wydarzyło. Już dawno mi to zresztą powiedział i powtórzył wielokrotnie Ming: is nothing special (lah). Wszystkie wspaniałe i genialne rzeczy już mamy, już są, słuch (mimo że kiepski), wzrok (mimo że jeszcze gorszy), dotyk i inne takie gówienka są i wystarczy sobie o tym przypominać. Nawet taki jutubek, dzięki któremu mogłem sobie tę godkę obejrzeć. Można brać za granted i oglądać dziwną stronę jutubka, ale też można wziąć żyćko na poważnie, docenić takie gówna i zadbać o swą godność, chociażby od czasu do czasu.
Życie jest niełatwe (to też nawinął Jon, ale o tym akurat już sam się dowiedziałem), zawsze jest opcja jebnąć, ale zawsze też lepiej być mindfulnessowym świrem i żyć, a zamiast rozkminiać, jakie to żyćko marne, rozkminiać jak się do tego odnieść, czyli, jak to się mówi, pozytywnie zareagować. As long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you – no matter what’s wrong with you. To jego hasło, dobre, co?
Nie chcę się spuszczać nad tym, jak jaram się tym, co i jak mówi Jon Kabat-Zinn. No dobra, w sumie to chcę, jest pierdolonym geniuszem, zwłaszcza że bynajmniej się za jednego nie uważa. Nie chodzi o gabinet dziwnych kroków, o jakieś szaty buddyjskie, tylko o to, żeby od czasu do czasu do siebie zadzwonić i upewnić, że nadal tu jesteśmy, że czujemy i poodczuwać przez chwilę to, co czujemy. Potem się rozłączymy, ale nie gniewamy się, zdzwonimy się znowu.

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