Na stacji w Preston stoisz tylko, kiedy nie boisz się upaść

Wyczytałem ostatnio w jakiejś ładnej sentencji, że życie składa się w 10% z tego, co nam się przytrafia i w 90% tego, jak na to zareagujemy. Procenty z dupy, wiadomo, odnotowuję z bukmacherskiego obowiązku, ale jest w tym piękna, buddyjska myśl. Wyrażana również w inny sposób, np. Macklemore (mówi się maklemor): I don’t control life but I can control how I react to it. czy też modlitwa o pogodę ducha:Boże (kto?) użycz mi pogody ducha, abym godził się z tym, czego nie mogę zmienić, odwagi, abym zmieniał to, co mogę zmienić i mądrości, abym odróżniał jedno od drugiego. Moja myśl jest taka, że nie można żyć na 100%, jeśli nie zaakceptuje się tych 10%, które się po prostu przytrafia. Bo 100-10<100, he he.

Wyjechałem na *sylwka* do Manchesteru, poimprezować, napić się, wrócić.

Żartowałem, jestem buddą. Nie pije, nie pali, niedługo przestaną ruchać, tacy wspaniali.

Pojechałem w celu pogłębienia procesu buddyzacji do Manjushri Kadampa Centre w Ulverston. Trochę w swoje stare strony, nostalgiawchuj. Jakaś stara baba, która jest stara i niedługo umrze, będzie mi tam mówiła jak mam żyć. Buddyzmwchuj. Jeszczewincyjbuddyzmu.

Jadę zmotywowany. Ostatnie 4 tygodnie trzymałem fason: treningi super, piłka siłka boks, wszystko super, dieta super, praktycznie tylko 2 dni z nadwyżką i to tylko w okolicach pięciu tysięcy kalorii (wigilia i wyjazd do trzech-jeszcze-nikt-przed-panem-nie-zjadł Warszawy), wcześniej praktycznie w każdym tygodniu zdarzały mi się dni bez hamulców z 6k kcal na dzień. Ostatnio naprawdę solidna mozolna praca, nie zdewaluowały się żadne rzeczy i mimo lekkich niedociągnięć (a gdzie tu są dociągnięcia?) typu parę za dużych posiłków, za dużo sukralozy i aspartamu, to naprawdę dobra sytuacja.

Tuż przed wyjazdem zrobiłem z Pawłem bardzo fajny trening boksu, zjadłem kaszę jaglaną z miksem żółtek z jaj z bananem, zjadłem z Gienem szynkę wędzoną na przystawkę oraz na danie główne indyka na maśle klarowanym z makaronem z mąki konjac, burakami, kapustą kiszoną i olejami: kokosowym, lnianym i z oliwek. No bo przecież skończę jeść o 15 i post do 9 rano. Full english breakfast, idealne śniadanie białkowo-tłuszczowe, hell yeah.

O 1500 skończyłem pracę, cel bozji den na standby, Mariola dokończyła robo i o 1530 odpaliłem spod bloku tygrysa. Na ostatni moment, na styk, jak zwykle, czyli na spokojnie. Ku przygodzie hej.

Piękna polska mroźna acz słoneczna pogoda, jadę sobie po buddyjsku 220, żeby nie za szybko. Doceniam ze spokojem ducha jaką fajną pracę ostatnio wykonałem i to na wielu polach, bo poza dietą i treningami dochodzi lady psycho, medytacja, mindfulness, jedni robią głupoty, a my robimy buddyzm. Jadę odpocząć, a zarazem pracować nad swoją buddyzacją.

Nawet kolejki przy bramkach mnie nie irytują, trochę poprawiam swoją pozycję, wjeżdżając na bardziej dogodny pas, ale nie szukam na siłę swojego pole position, nie spinam się, że można gdzieś tu jeszcze lepiej podjechać i będzie o 14 sekund szybciej; powinienem i tak zdążyć, więc cieszę się swoim buddyjskim spokojem i akceptacją wszystkiego, co wokół mnie. Truly liberating. No suffering whatsover.

Ładny parking zrobili w Balicach, taki singapurski. Milion pięter i niestety w pośpiechu nie odnotowałem, gdzie zostawiłem tygrysa. Piekne przejście z parkingu na lotnisko a’la MBS, nie trzeba wychodzić na mróz, cudownie. Wołali przy security, że już czas, więc bez kolejki, spoko, lot spoko, spod lotniska o 1930 odbiera mnie Maciek, podróż spoko. Szkoda, że po ciemku, bo fajne widoki, wiadomo Cumbria. Ulverston, cisza i spokój, nadmorskie middle of nowhere, trochę jak Marsden, idealne do buddyzacji.

Moja gospodyni w B&B, Sue, miła i stara i niedługo umrze, przywitała ciepło, zrobiłem sobie gorącej czekolady i szybko zasnąłem. Spałem jak dziecko, prawie 10 godzin. Wstałem w sam raz na umówione na 9 śniadanie. Tyle że zanim nadejszło full english, niestety był bufet z czekoladkami, batonikami, jogurcikami, na które mój umysł niestety nie był przygotowany.

I tak oto w mig z buddyzmu zrobił się cug. Próbowałem zachować spokój, ale już czułem, że nie ma odwrotu. Ciężko to opisać, ciężko to zrozumieć, nawet mnie. It is what it is. Trigger pulled. Wyzwalacz zadziałał. Nie wygrasz. Teraz jedynie można obserwować, nie gniewać się na siebie, pozwolić sobie płynąć na floe. Wszystko minie, kwestia czasu. Po śniadaniu poszedłem sobie na spacer, opustoszałe miasteczko, umiarkowana bieda, wracając zahaczyłem do Seahorse Hotel na kawki i trochę deserów.
Wziąłem swoje rzeczy z B&B (Barksdale&Bell Enterprise) i wyruszyłem okrężną drogą w stronę Manjushri. Doszedłem do *centrum* Ulverston, zaczęło padać i mocniej wiać, więc wbiłem do jakiegoś pubu na kawki i serniki. Byłem w dobrej formie, więc nawet pobawiłem się w rozpisanie sobie nowego starego tygodniowego jadłospisu. Już mocno ociężały ruszyłem dalej. Coraz mocniej pada, coraz mocniej wieje, a ja napieram z ciężarem doświadczeń i ciężarem żołądka. Ale spoko, dalej jestem miły gość. Jest 16. Po drodze już nie ma żadnych pubów, barów, restauracji, pokus. 3km i już jestem pośród innych buddów. Już nic nie będę jadł, przetrwać wieczór, do rana trochę zejdzie i jeszcze jutro doświadczę trochę buddyzacji.
Bardzo klimatyczna miejscówka, na końcu świata, zarejestrowałem się, zostawiłem torbę w swoim pokoju, niestety kaloryfer zimny, więc nie oszuszę ubrania ani butów, jeszcze 3 godziny do pierwszego wykładu, wracam przemoczony do głównego budynku, patrzę a tam kurwa jebane World Peace Cafe z jebanymi bezglutenowymi ciastami z daktylami, jabłkami, marchewkami, malinmi i chujamimujami. Jebani buddyści podpisali na mnie wyrok.
Osamotniony, przytłoczony, ociężały w konsumpcji przeszedłem samego siebie. Niestety w tej sytuacji kryzys musiał nadejść. Czułem się jak Miauczyk ze świecą dymną, że tam nie pasuję, nie należę, co ja tam w ogóle robię. Przemoczony, zimno mi, nabity do limitu. Nie ma opcji, żebym w ogóle uspokoił umysł i wysłuchał starej baby, która jest stara i niedługo umrze, mówiącej mi jak mam żyć. Muszę stąd wyjść. Płacz, złość, frustracja, przytłoczenie. Przed wyjazdem przyznałem Karolowi Hugo, że jak mi się tam nie spodoba, to zawsze mogę zamówić sobie do Hiltona lub Marriotta pięć ekskluzywnych eskort i kazać im grać w kości. „Może to jest jakaś myśl” – pomyślałbym, gdyby nie to, że nie czułem się na siłach do jakiegokolwiek myślenia. Panika i nie wiem, co robić. Żadnych białych rumaków na horyzoncie.
Wziąłem swoje rzeczy, powiedziałem, że stąd idę, wziąłem taxi do nie-wiem-kąd. I po krótkiej rozmowie z taksówkarzem, czyli pierwszym trzeźwo myślącym człowiekiem napotkanym na mojej drodze, ustaliłem, że pojadę sobie pociągiem do Manchesteru nie wiem po co. Poszedł nawet ze mną do kasy, kupiłem sobie bilet, pociąg za godzinę, to przejdę się jeszcze do centrum napić się czegoś ciepłego. W sumie w takich momentach, gdzie motorem napędowym jest tzw. wszystko jedno, często zaczyna się coś dziać. Wziąłem sobie w pubie czarną kawkę, no sugar no nothing i chwilę później zaczęła się pogawędka z lokalnymi. Wyszedłem na jakiegoś podróżnika. Po paru wspólnych jagerkach wyszedłem na pociąg. Jest progres, są emocje, action. Bye bye Ulverston.
Dojeżdżam do Preston i przypomniało mi się, że przecież Laik tam mieszka. Zadzwoniłem do Toma, opowiedział mi o Level Up 7, bo ja całkiem nie na bieżąco, dojechałem do Preston na przesiadkę, zjadłem kebaba na ostro, frytki i burgera i zrobiłem sobie pamiątkowe foto, z opisem, który z biegiem dni wydaje się być głębszy niż początkowy prosty follow-up mi się wydawał. Na stacji w Preston stoisz tylko, gdy nie boisz się upaść. Nic do stracenia, nic na stałe, niech się dzieje, let it be, let it flow.
Tuż przed pociągiem w Ulverston zadzwoniłem do Sponsora, trochę nieporozumienie co do ustawki noworocznej, ale zaprosił do Stoke i w sumie eureka, nikt mi teraz nie jest w stanie dać większej dawki buddyzmu niż on. Zamówiłem z pociągu taxi z Roseville (trochę jakbym zdradzał Intercity, 3 lata razem </3) na 23 z Piccadilly. Niestety jednak z Preston zamiast pociągu był autobus, a to oznaczało ponadgodzinne opóźnienie; padła mi też na chwilę bateria w telefonie, więc pożyczyłem od kogoś z busa telefon, żeby zadzwonić do Roseville, żeby było sympatycznie. Spoko. Jak wychodziłem roztrzęsiony z Kadampy to też napisałem do drivera, że przepraszam za kłopot, ale odwołuję z jednodniowym wyprzedzeniem jutrzejszy transport. W podziękowaniu, że dałem znać, Pan Waldi zadzwonił (a precyzyjniej puścił *sygnałek* i oddzwoniłem) do mnie, że nie mam honoru i godności. Polaki Biedaki Cebulaki, is all.
Po spędzeniu sylwestrowo-noworocznej północy w autobusie z Preston do Manchesteru, dotarłem w końcu pod Piccadilly, jakoś się odnalazłem z drajwerem i suniemy do Stoke. Wracam po 4 latach, he he. Podróż spoko. Wróciłem brudny, głodny i pełen przeżyć, Sponsor przywitał mnie marcepanem bez pytań, uwierzysz?
Po porządnej kimie poszliśmy się przejść do Hanley, na Full English breakfast, a jakże, tzn. tylko ja bo on jest weganem, co zrobisz, on jadł herbatę, ja najadłem się porządnie jak przystało na zakończenie cugu. Najlepsza, najbardziej wartościowa rozmowa tego roku jak dotąd, he he, taki żarcik polegający na tym, że to był pierwszy dzień roku i z nikim oprócz niego nie rozmawiałem, ale tak serio mówiąc, to naprawdę bardzo wartościowo, szczerze, z głębią, z ogromną nicią porozumienia. Nic tak nie napędza jak takie rozmowy, które przypominają, gdzie i kiedy jesteś – tu i teraz. Pure mindfulness.
Pożegnaliśmy się przy ogromnym tesco, które dopiero zaczynali budować za moich czasów, przeszedłem się przez caaałe Stoke, na pociąg, a że miałem jeszcze pół dnia do samolotu, to pojechałem do Marsden, zwiedzić miejscówkę, gdzie stawiałem swoje pierwsze kroki w UK. A że tam padało i wiało jeszcze bardziej, to się full przeziębiłem. Taka przygoda. Zdrowie to wszystko, reszta to przygoda.
Zrobiłem kółko, nostalgiawchuj. Idę sobie przy Hey Green i tam taka ścieżka farmerska pod górkę, którą chodziłem na autobus o 6 rano do szkoły. Niesamowite uczucie być tu po 10 latach i mieć satysfakcję z wykonanej pracy i kontynuacji strugglingu, pozdro Looptroop. Marsden to ja. This is me yo, right here. Pozdro Wallace.
Wróciłem sobie starym poczciwym Northernem na lotnisko przez stację szkolną Salford Crescent, wspomnienie kolejne, zrobiło się nostalgicznie, ale dawka buddyzmu naładowana w Stoke działa spoko, mimo dreszczy, bólu gardła i gorączki milion, spora motywacja, żeby dalej działać pozytywnie po powrocie. Mindfulness is a science and you can learn its secrets. Jakoś przeżyłem z trzema herbatkami na lotnisku, ubrany w syberyjskim stylu przeżyłem lot, znalazłem jakoś tygrysa na lotnisku, wróciłem do swojego starego poczciwego Czekanowa, wciągnąłem paczkę strepsils intensive i gripex, zrobiłem saunę. Jest niedziela, 3. stycznia 13:35. Za 25 minut minie 50h odkąd przestałem jeść, co zamierzam uczcić jajecznicą z 10 jajek i awokado. Dużo wrażeń, dużo przemyśleń, dużo motywacji do życia, do pracy, do bycia mindful i obserwacji bycia mindless jako najskuteczniejszej metody do powrotu do bycia mindful.
To my buddyści.

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