Nie uciekłem

Są takie momenty, że już jest za późno; jak cię gonią to możesz tylko spieprzać. Wczoraj był taki moment, zresztą pierwsze sygnały zaczęły się już wczesnym popołudniem. To takie momenty bezsilności sprawiły, że potrafiłem utażsamiać się z seryjnymi mordercami, co uświadomiłem sobie oglądając The Fall kilka miesięcy temu.

Jake są przyczyny cugu? czy to nazwę over-eating, binge-eating, compulsive eating czy compulsive gambling, to przyczyny można zebrać takie same. Oczywiście, podłoże tego wszystkie leży gdzieś w jakichś traumach (czy czymś w ten deseń) z dzieciństwa. Ale nie chodzi mi o aż tak głębokie przyczyny. Dwie główne, bezpośrednie przyczyny: to przywiązanie do tego, co było oraz brak więzi, dla których chciałbym być obecny (bonds and connections you want to be present for).

Przywiązanie, przykład: wygrałem 200k, mam 200k. Przywiązuję się do 200k, które miałem. Gram sobie dalej, ale przy pierwszej lepszej bessie, zaczynam obsesyjnie (mniej lub bardziej) obawiać się, że stracę to 200k, do którego się przywiązałem, a w ten sposób mój świat by się zawalił. No więc odgrywam się, żeby jak najszybciej wrócić do tego, co wydaje mi się, że jest moje. Nic nie jest moje. Poza możliwością przeżywania obecnej chwili.

Brak więzi: Tu propsa bierze Johann Hari. Momentami, dłuższymi lub krótszymi, odczuwam, że nie mam nic wspólnego z ogromną większością ludzi, że żadne interakcje z nimi nie są dla mnie interesujące. A zmuszanie się do nich (aka idź do ludzi) jest jeszcze gorsze niż zaakceptowanie, że lepiej być samemu. Słowami Monteskiusza czasami perspektywa jest następująca: „Zepsucie obyczajów. Natenczas człowiek uczciwy pędzi życie niejako zdumiony tym, że jest, by tak rzec, sam na świecie; że wszelkie ludzkie więzi znikają, ponieważ nie ma nikogo, pod czyją opiekę chciałby się oddać, nikogo też, kogo sam chciałby ochraniać, żadnego mężczyzny, którego chciałby mieć za przyjaciela, żadnej kobiety, której mężem chciałby zostać, żadnego dziecka, którego ojcem chciałby być”. Brakuje w żyćku rat parku, a przez to jest ogromna potrzeba, żeby sobie ulżyć. Tak się zaczyna objadanko.

Kwestia kolejna: jak bardzo powinienem się bronić i uciekać przed cugiem? Oczywiście zależy od cugu; gdybym był seryjnym mordercją to pewnie z 9-10/10, w przypadku hazardu 7-8/10, ale w przypadku aktualnego problemu, czyli żarcia? Myślę, że max 5/10. W sensie jeśli to już jest ten stan, kiedy mam do wyboru albo sobie ulżyć (a przy solidnej akceptacji do ulżenia wystarczy czasem z 2-3 tysiące kalorii i wierzę, że ta wartość wraz z coraz większa akceptacją będzie się zmniejszała) albo się ultra męczyć, to chyba trzeba iść w stronę akceptacji i ulgi. Natomiast kluczowe jest rozpoznawanie sytuacji, taką jaka ona jest i nie oszukiwać siebie samego. Np. wczoraj głód doznań był na tyle wysoki, że nawet dziś budząc się jak shar pei nie miałem wątpliwości, że postąpiłem słusznie. Love thyself.

Kolejny krok: zaakceptować i pozytywnie zareagować. Stało się, co się stało i się to raczyj nie odstanie. Muszę podumać, co robić, kiedy poczuję stan alarmowy jak wczoraj, na razie nic poza ograniczeniem wolności na 8-12h nie przychodzi mi do głowy. Na pewno za to lepiej można zorganizować grafik, więc od przyszłego tygodnia post skrócę do 44h (od soboty 16 do poniedziałku 12 i spróbuję zrobić boks o 2115 lub bieganko jakieś na rozpoczęcie tygodnia, wierząc, że ta planowana aktywność będzią jakąś formą więzi, dla której będę chciał być obecny.

Nie ma łatwo, problemy pierwszego świata nie są proste do rozwiązania, ale praca, solidna, mozolna praca i wierzę, że będzie dobrze. Wykorzystaj swoją mądrość dobrze.

47 komentarzy

Dołącz do dyskusji i opowiedzieć nam swoją opinię.

gamefly free trial
Maj 02, 2019 o 11:05 PM

When I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked the
-Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I recieve four emails with the exact same comment.
Is there an easy method you can remove me from that service?

Thanks a lot!

gamefly free trial
Maj 03, 2019 o 11:05 AM

I like the helpful information you provide to
your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and test again here regularly.
I am somewhat sure I will learn many new stuff proper here!

Good luck for the next!

gamefly
Maj 03, 2019 o 11:05 PM

Hi there, I do believe your blog could be having browser compatibility issues.
Whenever I take a look at your website in Safari, it looks fine
however, when opening in IE, it’s got some overlapping issues.
I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Aside from that, wonderful site!

gamefly
Maj 05, 2019 o 02:05 PM

Hi! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website
before but after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to me.
Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be
bookmarking and checking back often!

gamefly
Maj 06, 2019 o 03:05 AM

Howdy outstanding blog! Does running a blog similar to
this require a lot of work? I’ve absolutely no knowledge of
programming but I had been hoping to start my own blog in the
near future. Anyways, should you have any ideas or tips for new blog
owners please share. I understand this is off topic but I just needed to ask.
Kudos!

minecraft download mojang
Maj 07, 2019 o 10:05 AM

Fantastic blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any message boards that cover the same topics talked about in this article?
I’d really love to be a part of group where I can get advice from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest.
If you have any suggestions, please let me know.
Appreciate it!

minecraft pc download
Maj 07, 2019 o 07:05 PM

Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for
some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains.
If you know of any please share. Thank you!

how to download minecraft
Maj 09, 2019 o 06:05 AM

Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers?
I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

minecraft download mojang
Maj 10, 2019 o 04:05 PM

you are in reality a just right webmaster.
The web site loading speed is amazing. It seems that you are doing
any distinctive trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterpiece.
you have performed a magnificent job in this matter!

g
Maj 12, 2019 o 03:05 AM

Appreciating the persistence you put into your
website and detailed information you offer. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed information. Great
read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to
my Google account.

minecraft download free pc
Maj 12, 2019 o 05:05 PM

wonderful points altogether, you simply won a new reader.

What could you suggest in regards to your put up that you made a few days ago?
Any positive?

minecraft free download
Maj 13, 2019 o 10:05 PM

I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing
this website. I really hope to view the same high-grade content from you in the future as well.
In fact, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get
my own, personal site now 😉

g
Maj 14, 2019 o 04:05 AM

Very nice article, totally what I needed.

g
Maj 14, 2019 o 08:05 AM

Wow! After all I got a web site from where I be capable of actually get useful data regarding my study and knowledge.

minecraft download pc
Maj 15, 2019 o 07:05 AM

Howdy! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I
really enjoy reading through your blog posts.
Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same subjects?

Appreciate it!

mojang minecraft download
Maj 15, 2019 o 10:05 PM

I’ve been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.

It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all website owners and bloggers made good content
as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.

how to download minecraft free
Maj 17, 2019 o 03:05 AM

Hey there! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my good old room
mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him.

Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for
sharing!

minecraft download for free
Maj 17, 2019 o 10:05 AM

It’s appropriate time to make some plans for
the future and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this
post and if I could I desire to suggest you some interesting things or advice.

Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article.
I desire to read more things about it!

how to download minecraft free
Maj 17, 2019 o 01:05 PM

Simply desire to say your article is as surprising.
The clarity in your post is just nice and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.
Well with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with
forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the rewarding work.

how to get help in windows 10
Maj 29, 2019 o 06:05 AM

Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article.
I’ll make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful
info. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly return.

gamefly free trial
Maj 29, 2019 o 08:05 AM

Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you
knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet
my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time
and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.

Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I
look forward to your new updates.

how to get help in windows 10
Maj 30, 2019 o 10:05 PM

Thanks , I’ve recently been searching for information approximately this subject for a while and yours is the best I’ve discovered till now.
But, what in regards to the bottom line? Are you sure concerning the source?

gamefly free trial
Maj 31, 2019 o 04:05 AM

I have to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this
site. I really hope to check out the same high-grade blog posts from you later on as well.
In truth, your creative writing abilities has inspired me
to get my own site now 😉

gamefly free trial
Maj 31, 2019 o 05:05 PM

Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News.

Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!

Appreciate it

gamefly free trial
Czerwiec 01, 2019 o 02:06 AM

Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok.
I’m undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

gamefly free trial
Czerwiec 01, 2019 o 03:06 PM

Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular
post! It’s the little changes which will make the biggest
changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!

gamefly free trial
Czerwiec 03, 2019 o 12:06 PM

Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to
see if it can survive a 30 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83
views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

gamefly free trial
Czerwiec 05, 2019 o 05:06 PM

Your mode of describing the whole thing in this
piece of writing is actually nice, all can easily be aware of it,
Thanks a lot.

gamefly free trial
Czerwiec 06, 2019 o 01:06 PM

I absolutely love your blog and find a lot of your post’s to be
precisely what I’m looking for. Do you offer guest writers to
write content in your case? I wouldn’t mind
producing a post or elaborating on some of the
subjects you write with regards to here. Again, awesome web log!

click for more
Czerwiec 13, 2019 o 03:06 AM

I simply want to mention I’m new to blogs and honestly loved your web-site. Very likely I’m want to bookmark your website . You absolutely have exceptional writings. Thanks a bunch for sharing your website page.

John Deere Repair Manuals
Czerwiec 15, 2019 o 05:06 PM

Could it be okay to write several of this on my small web site only incorporate a one way link to the site?

http://tinyurl.com
Czerwiec 17, 2019 o 12:06 PM

It’s very easy to find out any topic on net as compared
to textbooks, as I found this post at this website.

John Deere Diagnostic and Test Manuals
Czerwiec 17, 2019 o 08:06 PM

What youre saying is completely true. If I could write like you I would start my own blog.

John Deere Repair Manuals
Czerwiec 18, 2019 o 09:06 AM

Can I simply say what relief to uncover somebody who truly knows what theyre dealing with online. You definitely understand how to bring a worry to light and work out it important. More people need to see this and appreciate this side with the story. I cant think youre no more common when you undoubtedly develop the gift.

node
Czerwiec 18, 2019 o 11:06 AM

I and also my friends were examining the excellent tips and tricks on your site while suddenly I had a horrible suspicion I never expressed respect to you for those tips. Most of the people are actually absolutely passionate to see them and now have clearly been using them. Appreciate your getting simply considerate and then for considering variety of essential tips millions of individuals are really wanting to learn about. My sincere apologies for not saying thanks to you earlier.

Frederick Sulieman
Czerwiec 18, 2019 o 01:06 PM

I Just stopped by to say your article is great. The clarity in your post is simply spectacular and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the enjoyable work.

Peter Berti
Czerwiec 18, 2019 o 03:06 PM

Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it!

Lupe Hanisco
Czerwiec 18, 2019 o 04:06 PM

I must say this information was very interesting. I stumbled onto you using a google search and was rather thankful for your rank for this article.

tinyurl.com
Czerwiec 20, 2019 o 09:06 AM

I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.
The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless,
you command get bought an shakiness over that you wish be
delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more
formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside
case you shield this increase.

457F3C47-96BA-479F-926C-9F292B9DB1DA
Czerwiec 21, 2019 o 03:06 PM

Needed to send you a very small remark just to thank you again about the magnificent methods you’ve documented here. It has been so tremendously open-handed with people like you to allow publicly what exactly a few people could have advertised as an electronic book to make some profit for their own end, especially considering that you could possibly have tried it if you ever considered necessary. The thoughts as well worked like the great way to be aware that other individuals have similar fervor just as my personal own to find out a great deal more when it comes to this problem. I am certain there are many more pleasurable moments ahead for people who scan through your website.

John Deere Diagnostic and Test Manuals
Czerwiec 27, 2019 o 01:06 PM

Only a few blogger would discuss this topic the way you do…-:`

Oscar Mancherian
Czerwiec 28, 2019 o 07:06 AM

I think other site proprietors should take this site as an model, very clean and magnificent user friendly style and design, let alone the content. You are an expert in this topic!

Top Down Bottom Up Shades Uk
Lipiec 01, 2019 o 04:07 AM

WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..extra wait .. …

John Deere Technical Manuals
Listopad 30, 2019 o 03:11 PM

This is a great blog and i want to visit this every day of the week “    

Tractor Workshop Manuals
Grudzień 09, 2019 o 12:12 PM

I am typically to blogging i truly appreciate your site content. This article has truly peaks my interest. I am about to bookmark your internet site and maintain checking for brand spanking new information.

Davis Nixon
Grudzień 13, 2019 o 12:12 AM

I love the valuable info you supply in your posts. To be honest I am not sure I can agree with you.

Brooks Battenhouse
Grudzień 22, 2019 o 02:12 AM

you can always tell the quality of USB cables by looking at the thickness of the cable. thicker usb cables have higher quality`